It's About Showing Up.
As ever, an honesty warning.
"It's not about winning. It's not about losing.
It's about showing up and being seen."
I get this. Brene Brown is saying, turn up - honour yourself and honour what you were born to do. Strip the layers and be seen for you are in all of your gorgeous perfections and imperfections. I get this.
In the mundane logistics of a full time teaching life however, I’m finding this statement harder and harder. The turning up bit anyway.
I remember my first and absolute favourite Yoga teacher, she turned up 2 mornings a week and a Friday afternoon. I would go to class, or I wouldn’t. But either way I knew she would be there; smiling, loving everyone and offering us blankets in our savasana.
Honestly for some of my classes, my consistency has been pretty shite of late. But that’s the job, right? To turn up. Teach the Yoga.
A couple of weeks ago, I turned up - I’d been teaching 10 days straight on a retreat, a workshop, then the day off had been meetings about an AMAZING project (that is totally secret but will be unbelievably cool if we manage to pull it off!). I turned up to class.
And this is the point where I might say, ‘and then everything was fine. Just being there gave me enough energy to provide for my amazing students.’ This is, actually kind of true. I’ve never really been on stage, but I suppose it might be like that. You just love everyone in the room and you want to give them your best. But then I walked out of the studio door and I was flattened. I went home, toppled out of my socks and curled into bed. For somebody who teaches the art of self care, compassion and authenticity I had been giving energy without taking the appropriate time to re-coup, to refuel, do my own juicy practice, find my own joy in nature and in my family.
But you turn up, right? You Teach Yoga.
So, in the next few weeks you’ll see me making some shifts. Attempting to clarify and strengthen the offerings - so when I turn up; a workshop, a training, a class - I am THERE. Fully, all of me, vulnerable, alive and shining.
It’s all learning. You Learn Yoga, You Teach Yoga, You Learn Yoga and slowly slowly you learn to Live Yoga, two mornings and one afternoon at a time.